yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
