Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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