this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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