i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
