a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i permit you to call me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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