he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
