why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
