3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
