Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
