i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
