Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Pooping to opera.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
