i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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