I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
