I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
