I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize