Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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