two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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