God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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