My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
