My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
