I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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