Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
