I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
