We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
