Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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