we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
