their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
