I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my poor anus
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize