They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
