I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
