i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
