So gin and wine won't be happening again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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