You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize