There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
