There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
