I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
