Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
honey bunches of taint.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize