69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize