I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
