Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
