she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
