how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
