I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
