i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
