yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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