dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
