a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize