For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
