my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
