So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
