summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
