So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
