dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Someone signed my nipple.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
