i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
