thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
