So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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