I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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