are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
