Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have post one night stand depression
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