Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
