Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
