If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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