So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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