The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Don't make out with my wife yet
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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