End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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