Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize