I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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