The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize