My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
