Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
