Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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