yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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