one might say we're banned from that church
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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