I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
