I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
