I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
