So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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