smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
