I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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