and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
