the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
