His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
