What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
