were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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