She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
