I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
