which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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