I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A bitchslap is in order.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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