And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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