i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
