I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize