i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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