A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
