I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
