Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
