We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
