turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
