I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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