four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
