there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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