you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
