You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
