yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize