Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
