Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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