He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
