Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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