shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
