shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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