May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
