ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I need moral support for this bender
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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