while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
