Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
