Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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