the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
