No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wish my penis had a tongue
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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